Dear Single Girl...

Part Five of the Letters from Singleness series

I met Meghan by discovering her blog for writers, Every Good Word through a mutual friend.  I quickly fell in love with the community she had created there & became a happy follower of her personal blog as well.  Soon, I would learn that I would have the honor of joining her as a co-contributor for Meditations of His Love.  As an aspiring novelist, Meghan has an immense love for written words and writing words.  It's been a pleasure knowing such a beautiful person, and witnessing her love for Christ in her work.

 

To you,

     The one who stands as a bridesmaid more than thrice. The one who slips a smile in place for yet another engaged friend or a new baby, while your hand is bereft of a ring and your arms empty of a child. In spite of doing singleness right, as unto the Lord—you're left wondering while you wait.

To you,
      The one who's looking for love in all the wrong places. The one who's settling for just a good enough guy. The one who's had her heart broken enough times to know better—but falls back into the same whirlwind thrill of romance while her heart aches for a breath of hope, surety and a love that places God first—while at the same time hoping this guy could be The One.

To you,
      The one who's gotten her heart shattered—perhaps more than once. In spite of patience, following all the do's and don't's in your relationship. In spite of all the right signs, coincidences too big to be chance—it fell through and you were left to sweep up the pieces of a shattered dreams.

To all of us with no relationship status to speak of,
       I hear your hearts. While it goes against it's own definition—the season of singleness was never meant to be walked alone. Don't think you're the only one going through this season—reach out beyond yourself and you will be sure to find others who not only will be blessed by you—but your heart will be touched by them.

      Too often we can slowly but surely retreat inward lest we get hurt or dare hope only to have those hopes deferred or worse yet—our hearts broken. For some of us, myself included—it's easier to dive head first into being the best bridesmaid/friend/wedding planner combo package your engaged friend could ever ask for. And, though genuinely thrilled, live vicariously through them thinking, It'll never happen for me. I'm too—fill in the blank. Think Katherine Heigl in the movie, 27 Dresses.

      Living in fear is what it boils down to, sisters. Regardless of what or who passed through your life to cause your heart to shrink back from living life to the fullest hope in this single season—living in fear is a direct affront to the Lord Who is the author and finisher ... of our love stories?     Yes, but more importantly—our faith.

      I'm a firm believer in the fact that these dreams of The One, marriage and children are God-given. They are not wrong—but beautiful! But God will make them beautiful in His time—not ours. Therein lies the struggle; how to we find the balance between contentment in living life to the fullest joy, yet with not mere confident, but expectant hope for the future God has planned for us? I'm coming to you here as one who's never had a guy express interest in me. My heart has never been broken, nor my hopes deferred ... nor have I been waiting on Mr. Right for years on end. I have however upheld friends in prayer who have gotten their hearts truly shattered. Some who have been in relationships a time or two—but for some reason or another despite all the very good signs, it hasn't worked out.

     Being single is lonely—no matter how big a family you have or how busy of a social life you lead. That's just the fact of the matter—our hearts do not have a loneliness switch we can flip on and off. It's what we do with this relationship status and heart-state that matters, sisters. We can close off our hearts or chase after the first pair of pants we notice that just may happen to meet our criteria. We can pridefully lock up our heart and pretend to toss away the key to the Lord when in reality we want to be in control because we don't believe God will pull through. After all—if He is such a good God, why does He allow heartache/bad things happen to good people? Why does He not give us the desires of our hearts when we're ready?

      To show how much He cherishes our reluctant, wondering, oh-so human hearts. To show us that His plans are better. In essence—to teach us that He is God and we are not. Whose love alone reaches the heavens in height, down to the bottom of the sea in depth. His is the only perfect love we will ever experience in our existence here on earth, all our days, whether we are single or married.

      All He's ever wanted was our hearts. All the jagged pieces. All the deferred dreams still beating strong deep down. All the mess of our past. He longs for us to surrender every bit of our work in progress hearts to Him and Him alone. This does not mean giving up our dreams of marriage and children, sisters—but committing those hopes and dreams to the One who placed them in our hearts in the first place.

      This Valentines Day—let us thank God for His abundant love and grace that colors every moment of our stories—past, present and future.

Utmost Thankfulness

I’ve never known real physical poverty, like so many humans have experienced and are experiencing in all parts of the world.  Sometimes my gratitude seems so meager in light of that.  Even though I’ve never been wealthy either, I’ve always had plenty.  Especially plenty enough to look forward to Thanksgiving with presumption that there will be turkey, dressing, trimmings and pumpkin pie on our family’s table.

When I think about the stories on which we pin our Thanksgiving origins—the pilgrims and natives who gathered for a meal—it humbles me in my meager gratitude.  These weary people weren’t instituting a national holiday.  After a difficult year and a bitter winter, the beauty of their thankfulness was their giving it in the land of their poverty.

This made me think of a story that Jesus told in the house of Simon the Pharisee, when a disgraceful woman entered and began lavishing Jesus in humble and sincere worship:

“A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.”

And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.”

Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”  Then those who were at table with him began to say among themselves, “Who is this, who even forgives sins?”

And he said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Luke 7:41-50

The beauty in her worship was her knowing her utmost destitution being covered in Jesus’ utmost mercy.  Oh, how I want her immense gratitude.  I want the gratitude of pilgrims and natives who celebrate provision in light of their suffering and loss.

 

I may have never tasted worldly poverty, but I have, most importantly, known spiritual poverty.  I have been a slave, and accursed.  But God took on the form of my slavery and became my provision—my Lamb—and saved me.  Remembering my complete destitution (as near as the sins committed just this week), and Jesus' complete reconciliation, makes me completely and utterly thankful.